the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
