I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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