I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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