I'm drive I can fine osifer
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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