Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't deserve a penis
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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