i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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