So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize