I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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