I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
