Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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