i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
