Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
