i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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