maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
