i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize