it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sarcasm needs its own font
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
