I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
