also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He passed out mid-signature
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
