i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
