youre lurking in front of me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize