dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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