I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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