who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
