There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Randomize
