i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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