i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
