you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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