# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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