There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize