This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
