he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he thought i was a dude.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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