there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
