i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
why is half of my head shaved?
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