We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
