can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
