I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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