I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
