why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
