Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
