Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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