I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
