Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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