Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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