Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
