I accidentally had phone sex last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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