I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
