she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
