wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
