Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
