I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
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