At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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