Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
