Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
