Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
