Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Two words: blizzard sex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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