I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
