I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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