My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
