i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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