ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
