New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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