I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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