What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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