Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
