Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
A+ Viking dick
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
