so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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