I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
