You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
