when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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