Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
