life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
