I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
