He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
