if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
