I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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