real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
