honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
