I can tuck mytits in my pants
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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