so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
