If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
