i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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