just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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