i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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