also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
