dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
