WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
