my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
