I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
