I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
