You just made me feel so damn special
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize