I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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