What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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