I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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