Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
