dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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