Don't make out with my wife yet
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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