Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
