dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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