Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
