How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
