If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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