Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
