He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't put those talents on a resume
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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