somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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