My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
