Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
