I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
