P.S. I can't hear my feet
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
