Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
