I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
