I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He kissed a someone with a penis
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
