Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
