There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
