we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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